Sunday, 26 December 2010
It's Boxing Day. Well, not really any more, it's 1:59 am, the day after Boxing Day. We're in that limbo bit between Xmas and New Year where no-one really knows quite what's going on or who they are. Probably something to do with all that stuffing and gravy and Turkey and....yeah, anyway. As I am also in this odd limbo between Jesus' birthday celebrations and the pointless New Years Resolutions, I thought I might as well wrench a few words from myself about something I have always known deep down. And so have you.
Do not listen to books that tell you how love and life work. Don't do it. It got me nowhere. It got you nowhere in the long run. We have just as much confusion and 'orribleness as we did before, we just think we don't. It just makes you think that every life and love situation can be inserted into a formula, and a neat and tidy answer will be shinily waiting for you to apply and fix it. Well, it doesn't work like that. I've even written stuff (hopefully buried deep under somewhat decent material) that makes me look like a right plonker, making my own rules based on books like He's Just Not That Into You and various other literature in the same vein. Embarrassed Central Station. I apologise.
The problem is, we all want to be in control. We don't want to be hurt. And we want everyone to know we are in control of a given situation, particularly in a relationship. We don't talk about things, we skirt around issues, because if it gets talked about, someone's gonna have to tell the whole truth and perhaps reveal their vulnerability. And it ain't gonna be us. So we apply rules and almost mathematical equations, not just simple guiders, to try to plough through what we think are insurmountable messes. Messes that we cannot possibly just overcome by having a little think or perhaps messes we won't overcome straight away, and we cannot accept that fact.
We've been hurt before, or we haven't, and we can't deal with the prospect of not knowing what the next day/week/month may bring, and it frustrates us. The thing is, we don't know anyway, even with a million and one step-by-step analysing books and informative TV shows. We assume we do, and we assume that Mrs. PhD Dmin MA Blah Blahs knows every minute detail of everyone's life in the whole wide world and can fit it all into her big big template, churn a few cogs and a nice tidy outcome is what we all gon get.
Sound's a tad silly now, doesn't it.
How about this:
Take the time to know people. I mean really know them. A book can't tell you about your friend of 15 years, your child, your mother, or anyone you've taken the time out to get to know properly any more than a doctor can tell you what's wrong without giving you the once over.
Don't worry when you're not in control of people, or when you don't have the power/upper hand over people. Who cares if they think you like them too much. Either you do or you don't. If you do, ah well, sussed. Worse things happen at sea. If you don't, well you don't, who cares what they think, you know what the deal is. They can get over themselves, and their massive head. Even when you think you're in control of things, it's usually an illusion induced by all the tosh you read or have been told. And even if it's not, a big gust of wind can come and change all that lovely controlledness. So just go with the flow.
If you can laugh at yourself, you can keep laughing through most stuff that comes your way.
Sure these books and films and magazines etc are right sometimes, and maybe a lot of the time, but then again, if you think about it, so are you. You just have to use that noggin, or your trusty gut, whichever you deem best.
Annoyingly, it seems as if I am making my own little rule list thing here. Precisely what I'm writing against. But you know what I mean. You don't have to listen to me. But you know I'm right :).
Seasons Greetings by the way. If you have toiled and read this far, you have the benefit of knowing that I love you collectively. Have a good limbo time until New Years, by which time I hope I have something fitting to write up on this thing.
Don't drink and drive, always wear good underwear you never know what detour that 86 bus might take.